Howdy, friends.  It’s Dr. Kev here with some recent (i.e. 1977 or so) science on improving not only oral health, but overall health as well.  A friend of mine was recently wandering through Edward McKay’s used books in Greensboro, North Carolina, when he saw a book with the delightfully arcane title “The New Zarrow Miracle Psychic Healing Power” authored by Anna Billion.  Since we’d been friends for years, and he knew I was into improving health, he said “THIS COULD BE REVOLUTIONARY” and let me take a peek. 

The chapter about oral health is titled “The Meta-Impulse System For Organic Toothache,” and I don’t know about you, but they had me at “META-IMPULSE SYNDROME FOR ORGANIC TOOTHACHE.”  As a dentist, my sole experience had been in evidence-based practice.  I was eager to learn about evidence-apparently-lacking practice so I could make sure we had all of our bases covered at CPD. 

 Let’s get our metaphysical ducks in a row.

Let’s get our metaphysical ducks in a row.

Well, let’s make sure we’ve got everything we need.  In dentistry, we keep instruments in sterilized kits, each with the things we’re most likely to use for a given clinical situation.  Looks like Ms. Billion’s coming from a similar spot.  Let’s go ahead and assemble our psychic instruments.  We’ll need mother spiders (check!), baby spiders (smaller check!), spider eggs (even smaller check!), Z+ arrow psychic hands (what?), a Viba-Designator vacuum hose (small, mind you), and, like any good sorcery, the magic word “AN-QUA-JA-ME” (DUDE THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY MAGIC WORD).  Go ahead and poke around through your spice cabinet.  If you don’t have spider eggs, I’m sure you can just use tarragon.

 

Instruments now assembled, let’s say you’ve got that aforementioned “organic toothache.”  I guess I need to start specifying in my notes whether or not toothaches have carbon in them, but you know, I’m glad to improve my documentation.  Finally we get down to the business of psychic dentistry.  The top of the page is cut off – I’m not good at taking pictures of books, but it specifies that if you encounter an emergency while performing the psychic treatment, and can’t finish the magic words, then just say “Peace be in my heart.”  I agree 100% on Ms. Billion with this point.  That’s a pretty good meditation if things become emergent.

 How to get the hose through the top of your head and bottom of your chin is not included in this primer.

How to get the hose through the top of your head and bottom of your chin is not included in this primer.

First – let’s get one thing straight.  Even Anna Billions, legendary psychic healer, would like to note: “This process will not stop cavities.”  Whew.  Still employed.  All you’ve got to do, though, is adjust your Viba-Designator vacuum hoses, visualize your Z+ arrow psychic hands, and… I guess I should have taken a picture of the adjacent page. 

Now that we’ve stopped the pain, it’s time to sit back, and enjoy a case study. How can these principles be applied to daily life? Let’s meet Alleen D, who was suffering from toothaches every time she became disappointed.

 Case studies are near the bottom in the hierarchy of evidence, but you know, whatever.

Case studies are near the bottom in the hierarchy of evidence, but you know, whatever.

Turns out, two of the best reasons to seek the ability to psychically heal teeth are a failing marriage and mental problems.  We’ll need to add infidelity to our list of potential diagnoses when working out “what’s causing this patient’s tooth pain?”  Again, shame on me for not taking a picture of the adjacent page, but trust me when I tell you that Alleen is doing well, likely living her best life in Ft. Walton beach, and enjoying a completely unobstructed Viba-Designator vacuum hose.

At Chatham Pediatric Dentistry, we see many patients from many different backgrounds, some of whom are more interested in less evidence-based dentistry.  We’re glad to work with patients to find a common ground to help address their children’s needs, but there are some patients that aren’t a great fit for our practice.  Sometimes there’s no common ground to help the child that we and the parents can agree on.  For those folks, we’re glad to refer them to someone who is more experienced in alternative treatments.

For everyone else, though, we’ll plan on aligning our Viba-Designator hoses in the correct position.